Monthly Archives: February 2015

Grammatically Correct: Fixing Run-on Sentences

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by Dodici Azpadu

061957-firey-orange-jelly-icon-people-things-people-singing200Complex and compound sentences add depth and nuance to writing, but they must be constructed and connected correctly; otherwise, the errors make us look like amateurs.

This is a run-on sentence it contains two independent clauses incorrectly connected.

An independent clause is a group of words that can stand alone as a sentence; however, two independent clauses cannot be in the same sentence without a proper connection. If we omit a connection, the error is a fused sentence (as above). If we place a comma between the independent clauses, the error is a comma splice (below).

This is a run-on sentence, it contains two independent clauses incorrectly connected.

Comma splices are relatively easy to repair. After the comma, simply add one of the seven coordinating conjunctions. The mnemonic FANBOYS contains the coordinating conjunctions: FOR, AND, NOR, BUT, OR, YET and SO.

A semi-colon between independent clauses will also repair a run-on sentence.

This is no longer a run-on sentence; it contains two independent clauses correctly connected.

If the second independent clause explains the first (or summarizes it), we could replace the semi-colon with a colon or a dash. Use the dash only in informal writing.

This is no longer a run-on sentence: it contains two independent clauses correctly connected.

We can also repair run-on sentences by using a semi-colon, a transitional expression, and a comma, as in the sentence below. Transitional expressions include conjunctive adverbs such as therefore, consequently, however, and other transitional phrases like as a matter of fact, for example, and on the other hand.

This is no longer a run-on sentence; as a matter of fact, it contains two independent clauses correctly connected.

We can also restructure run-on sentences by making one of the independent clauses dependent. Then, we need only a comma to separate the clauses. If the independent clause begins the sentence, we can usually omit the separating comma.

While some sentences run on, others are short.
Some sentences are short while others run on.

These tips are guidelines. For better or worse, published writers frequently ignore grammar conventions.

TracesOfAWoman

Dodici Azpadu, MFA, PhD is a novelist, short story writer, and poet. Her fiction publications include: Saturday Night in the Prime of Life and Goat Song (Aunt Lute/Spinsters Ink) and subsequently Onlywoman (London, England). Living Room (2010) and Traces of a Woman (2014), both by Neuma Books, are available as ebooks. She’s currently at work on a novel, tentatively titled Living Lies.

WearingThePhantomOut100Her poetry publications include Wearing the Phantom Out (2013) and Rumi’s Falcon from Neuma Books. Individual poems have appeared in Malpais Review, Adobe Walls, ContraACultura (online), Parnassus, Sinister Wisdom, Latuca, The Rag, and The Burning Bush. Her work has also been anthologized in Centos: A Collage of Poems and Hey Pasean!
Dodici teaches “The Joy of Poetry” and “Craft of Creating Writing” classes through University of New Mexico’s Osher Lifelong Learning.

This article was originally published in the January 2011 issue of SouthWest Sage and is reprinted here by permission of the author.



James McGrath Morris Getting Strong Reviews for “Eye on the Struggle”

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by Bob Gassaway

Eye on the Struggle2Santa Fe writer James McGrath Morris, who will be the speaker for the March 7, 2015 meeting of SouthWest Writers, is garnering high praise for his new book Eye on the Struggle: Ethel Payne, the First Lady of the Black Press (HarperCollins, 2015).

Morris wrote in an email, “Early pre-publication reviews of the book have been unbelievably encouraging. It seems that folks do want to hear the story of Ethel Payne.”

Payne wrote for The Chicago Defender, which The New York Times calls “America’s premier black newspaper.” The Times’ book review adds, “She grew up in Chicago and longed to be a writer at a time when options were dismally few for black women. She had talent, a big personality and grit. She ultima­­tely became a star reporter for The Defender, and the pre-eminent black female reporter of the civil rights era.”

Morris said in an email to SouthWest Writers: “The book was just listed today by Kirkus as one of eleven ‘you must read.’ So things are rolling along.” In addition, NBC.com lists the Ethel Payne biography as one of “14 Books to Read this Black History Month.”

Here is a sampling of the reviews:

 

“Important and often absorbing new book … It’s a deep pleasure to meet Ethel Payne. ‘We are soul folks,’ she declared in 1967, ‘and I am writing for soul brothers’ consumption.’ Her own soul beams from this book…” ~ New York Times 

“In James McGrath Morris’s compelling biography Eye on the Struggle, this ‘first lady of the black press’ finally gets her due. Morris lovingly chronicles Payne’s dedication and her rise… For her, being a reporter was about ‘stretching the horizon of the heart.’ Never content simply to ‘live and let live,’ she sought always to engage, fight and make change.” ~ O Magazine

“Eye on the Struggle is a fast-paced tour through the highlights of 20th-century African-American history, with Payne as witness.” ~ Boston Globe

“Morris’ well-paced narrative not only walks readers through the civil rights movement’s inner workings, but he lets us tag along with Payne on her 13 journeys to Africa and trips to China, Vietnam and elsewhere.” ~ Minneapolis Star-Tribune

“Eye on the Struggle is the compelling biography of journalist, Ethel Payne, the ‘First Lady of the Black Press,’ a significant figure in the civil rights era. ~ NBC.com “14 Books to Read this Black History Month”

“At long last, this journalistic pioneer, who traveled and covered the world, not to mention sent shivers down the spine of our strongest presidents during press briefings, is getting her due in James McGrath Morris’ absorbing new biography Eye on the Struggle: Ethel Payne, the First Lady of the Black Press.” ~ Patrik Henry Bass, who assembled “Ten Standout Titles” for Essence Magazine

 

Morris’ presentation to SouthWest Writers on March 7 is titled “Using Storytelling Techniques to Breathe Life into Your Writing.” In his description of the upcoming presentation, Morris writes:

“You will leave this meeting with a dozen specific narrative writing techniques that you can use to invigorate and bring life to any genre of writing. Adapted from the best of fiction and nonfiction writing, these storytelling methods help build tension, make for compelling scenes, and get you closer to writing a page-turning book.”

Morris is a Santa Fe author who writes primarily biographies and narrative nonfiction.

Bob Gassaway2Bob Gassaway started writing news for radio and television and moved to newspapers and The Associated Press, including a stint as a war correspondent in Vietnam. After earning a Ph.D. in sociology, focusing on the symbolism of human communication, he taught journalism for 22 years at the University of New Mexico and the University of Missouri. He has also written for magazines and professional journals and has published a number of book chapters. He now writes murder mysteries.



5 Steps to Master the Art of Interviewing

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by Sherri Burr

SherriBurrWriters interview. It is one of our most important research techniques. We interview for background information about characters or settings, to obtain quotes to enhance our stories, and for profiles. Use the following five steps to make your interviews successful.

Set up Interviews

How do you contact the person? One option is to write a personalized letter or email. Mention what you admire about his or her work, and why he or she will benefit from talking to you. Although busy, people will take time if presented an opportunity to offer wisdom to benefit others. Mention your credentials, including people you have interviewed before, to give the impression that you are a professional.

If you’re lucky, you’ll run into the person on the street or at a conference. This happens a lot at big events. At the 2008 Book Expo America, I happened upon a room with Magic Johnson and Alec Baldwin. At Taos Talking Pictures, I was interviewing a young actress and noticed that Julia Roberts was standing to my side, and behind the young actress was Susan Sarandon.

With these chance encounters, you have to immediately ask for interviews. This can be intimidating when the person is famous. While I did ask Johnson to speak at a University of New Mexico event and Baldwin for an interview, I was rendered speechless by Roberts and Sarandon. So I wrote a column about standing in the presence of greatness and only knowing their mystery.

If the person says yes, you must follow up immediately. Set a specific time and place. Do not let months go by, as I did, contemplating that Alec Baldwin gave me his cell phone number. If you wait, you’ll find, as I did, that he does not return your messages.

Prepare for Interviews

Obtain background information by Google-ing the person. Print and highlight the most relevant points. Write sample questions, but do not stick to a script. Have a sense of what you most want from the interview. If interviewing writers, ask about their favorite authors and what they learned from their craft. Ask how they deal with rejection. Do they have mentors?

If just venturing into interviews, watch a pro like Oprah. She handled with aplomb, Rielle Hunter, the lover of former presidential candidate John Edwards, and Sarah Duchess of York after she was caught on tape trying to sell access to her ex-spouse, Prince Andrew.

Conduct Interviews

Interviews can take place in person, on the telephone or by email or text. The face-to-face encounter is the best because you can observe body language. With the telephone, you will at least have the tone of voice. With email or text, you just have words. Barbara Walters asked Shirley MacLaine if she liked her brother Warren Beatty. MacLaine answered “yes” while shaking her head “no.” If there is incongruence between body language and the words, the former is the most accurate. With an email interview, that difference would have been missed.

That said, sometimes you take what you can get. I secured only a telephone interview with MacLaine. It lasted seven minutes and I printed every word in my Entertainment Law book.

For face-to-face interviews, arrive early to set up. Bring your writer’s notepad, a pen, and a tape recorder if you desire. Do not rely on the tape recorder as your only recording device. Technology can fail. For a television interview with cellist Yo-Yo Ma, a student intern forgot to turn on the audio, resulting in a useless product with no opportunity for a second chance.

For a print interview, the best recording device is pen and paper. It gives the interviewee some comfort watching you write down her words. But even that can be intimidating. While interviewing The Bachelor’s Bob Guiney (the third bachelor), he clammed up, so I tucked away my writer’s pad. Then he spilled his guts about how ABC was mistreating him. Afterwards, I rushed to my car and wrote it down. I went to bed thinking I had mush but woke up with a complete profile article in my head. If you do employ a recording device, keep it going even after the interview is finished as you sometimes get gems at the end.

Write the Results Immediately

Sometimes dreams resolve problems. When this happens, immediately write the results in your journal or type them on your computer. It’s tempting to think the article will remain in your head for hours or days. Not so. A fully realized piece can just vanish. Thus, don’t wait.

Share the Results with the Subject

Email the results with a deadline that tells the person that this is what you plan to print and they have days (or a week) to make changes. If you do not hear back within the deadline, assume the story is okay to run. Sometimes a subject will want to remove a line or change things. I usually oblige them unless it’s something I want to keep. Character actor Morgan Woodward described the prison guard he played in Cool Hand Luke as “a walking Mephistopheles.” I loved the line and asked to keep it. He relented.

A Short and Happy GuideSherri Burr is the Regents’ Professor of Law at the University of New Mexico School of Law where she teaches Entertainment Law, Intellectual Property Law, and Art Law. A graduate of Mount Holyoke College, Princeton University, and the Yale Law School, Burr has authored or co-authored twenty books, including A Short and Happy Guide to Financial Well Being (West Academic, 2014).

This article was originally published as “Mastering the Art of Interviewing” in the September 2010 issue of SouthWest Sage and is reprinted here by permission of the author.



An Interview with Poet Katrina K. Guarascio

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by KL Wagoner

The Fall of a SparrowKatrina K. Guarascio lives in New Mexico where she teaches Literature, Language Arts, and Creative Writing. She produces a monthly poetry performance, The Smokin’ Slam, which is the only monthly open mic, feature, and slam venue in Rio Rancho, New Mexico. Katrina has authored several poetry collections including September (2013), my verse (2014), and The Fall of a Sparrow (2014), and is an author/editor of the poetry anthology Light as a Feather: An Anthology of Survival (2014). Visit her website or explore her Amazon author page.

I met Katrina K. Guarascio at a local publisher’s meet-and-greet where she introduced me to performance poetry. That encounter led to the following interview.

Is there something in your poetry or writing journey that you struggle with?

Sometimes I struggle with the vulnerability of poetry. After all, poetry can be very personal and is often inspired by specific events and experiences. The trick is to be honest and still be effective. Virginia Wolff once wrote about how, in order for a female writer to be truly effective, she must “kill the angel in the house.” Basically that little voice in all our heads (I’m sure men have it, too) that says “don’t write about this” or “you can’t say that word” or “what will people think.” You have to kill her good and dead, and then you can develop into an honest writer with a voice which truly reflects yourself. I struggle with my instinct to self-censor.

What is performance poetry?

Basically, performance poetry is any type of poetry performed in front of an audience. However, it can take on many guises. Some people enjoy the simplicity of the Open Mic, where all forms are generally accepted, while others prefer something more theatrical, such as performing alongside musicians (even busking on street corners) or One Man Shows that might incorporate poetry, prose and music. The competitive form of performance poetry, Slam Poetry, incorporates rules, judges, and expectations: poems are judged by five randomly chosen audience members on a 0-10 scale, Olympic style; props or musical instruments cannot be used; poems must not exceed three minutes and ten seconds or penalties will ensue. There is a winner of the slam, although usually there is no grand prize.

What is the difference between “regular” poetry and performance poetry?

That depends mostly on the poet and the poetic intention. Any poem, regardless of length, theme, or form can be read aloud and therefore can be performed. However, at least in the arena of Slam poetry, poets may prefer certain themes over others—personal identity (like race or gender), political unrest, and traumatic experiences tend to be more effective to a Slam audience. Also, the use of comedy can be very effective toward an audience of mixed interests.

Is there a difference between writing “regular” poetry and writing performance poetry? Do you write with performance in mind?

There is much controversy on this topic among performance poets. I believe there is a difference when it comes to a performance feature or a poetry competition. Some poems are better suited for an audience because they will have a stronger effect on the crowd and elicit a stronger reaction. Some poems, playfully referred to as Page Poems, are more effective left on the page for the reader to interpret. I have crafted and practiced several poems to be read in such competitions and performances, while others which I love just as dearly remain in the pages of my books.

Do you think education makes a person a better poet?

Yes, education makes a person a better poet, an education in literature, but not exclusive to literature. The more read, the more written, the more listened, all these things will contribute to the development of the skill of writing. I am a far better writer now than I was fifteen years ago not only because I write continuously (sometimes obsessively) but also because I read, I witness, and I absorb the world around me.

What can a prose writer learn from a poet?

The benefits of reading, hearing and writing poetry are unique to the individual, but worthy of everyone. The more you experience, the more chances you have of awakening that inner muse. Even someone who is not a poet may find inspiration, emotion or catharsis in a poem, just as someone driving down the road listening to the radio may break into tears because the lyrics of a song hit them at just the right time and in the right way. Also, poets do write in a slightly different manner than prose writers or lyricists. The ability to be concise and economical with words and images is a special talent.

When did you start on your writing journey?

Reading and education were valued in my home, but no one read classical literature. No one read poetry. I remember specifically requesting a copy of Hamlet when I was eleven years old, but I don’t recall the specific moment when I decided to be a writer. I just started writing and haven’t stopped yet.

Why do you write?

I don’t write because I want to or even because it gives me great joy (at times it can be very frustrating). I write because I have to. It feeds my soul and gives me a form of peace. I enjoy sharing it with others but I also have some written works I will never share with anyone. I love expressing myself, my ideas, my beliefs, but it’s more than that. It’s my trade. I am not a painter, a photographer, a cook; I am a writer. That is my art form. That is who I am.

KLWagoner150_2KL Wagoner (writing as Cate Macabe) is the author of This New Mountain: a memoir of AJ Jackson, private investigator, repossessor, and grandmother. KL has a new speculative fiction blog at klwagoner.com and writes about memoir at ThisNewMountain.com.

This interview was originally published in the April 2012 issue of SouthWest Sage.



Revising Fiction: Ten Tips To Tighten Your Narrative Style

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by Kirt Hickman

Revising FictionNo matter what kind of writing you do, your narrative style must be taut, clear, and engaging. If you write fiction, it must also contain tension and emotion. Unnecessary words and phrases will clutter your narrative. They will sap the strength, even the very life, out of your writing. The following tips will help you eliminate the unnecessary clutter.

1. Eliminate Filter Words

Filter words, also called viewpoint intruders, are words like saw, felt, heard, watched, etc., that take the reader out of the character’s point of view. Consider this example from a critique submission. “I” refers to a woman named Clara.

I looked around at my fellow passengers. I overheard snatches of conversation in Italian. I saw parents feeding snacks to children, even a breastfeeding mother.Here, the reader isn’t looking at passengers, overhearing conversations, or seeing parents feed children. The reader watches Clara as Clara looks at, overhears, and sees the action of the scene. These words have become a filter between Clara and the reader.

The author can eliminate the first sentence because Clara doesn’t see herself looking around. The rest of the passage can be written without filter words:

All around me, people spoke in Italian. Parents fed snacks to their children. One woman nursed her infant.2. Eliminate Thinker Attributives

A thinker attributive uses phrases like he thought, or knew, or remembered to show what your character is thinking. Don’t rely on these devices. You’re writing from the character’s point of view; therefore, any thoughts you express are assumed to be the thoughts of the character. This makes thinker attributives unnecessary. Look at the following example from a critique submission:

Luke believed that his dad knew most everything that went on in Willacy County but he wasn’t sure he knew about the sugarcane fields.Now, without the thinker attributives:

Luke’s dad knew most everything that went on in Willacy County, except maybe about the sugarcane fields.Because the passage is written from Luke’s viewpoint, these are clearly Luke’s thoughts, though he might be wrong about what his father knows or doesn’t know.

3. Minimize Use of “Not” and “n’t”

Readers want to know what something is. They’ll be dissatisfied if you tell them only what things are not. Therefore, not interesting, becomes uninteresting, boring, dull, or plain; perhaps even uninspired, bland, or tedious, depending on the context. Generally speaking, eliminating not results in tighter, more precise wording.

4. Eliminate Unnecessary Use of “That”

The word that is often used unnecessarily. Consider the following example, excerpted from a letter my hero wrote in my own science fiction novel, Worlds Asunder:

I’m writing to let you know that my homecoming will be delayed. I know that you and the girls were looking forward to seeing me, but a case has come up that will delay my departure.Wherever you see the word that, delete it and read the sentence without it. If the sentence makes sense, omit the word that. In this example, only the third occurrence of that is necessary.

5. Eliminate Repeated Elements

Repeated elements are aspects of your story, particularly an emotion or bit of characterization, that you’ve shown in more than one way. Repeated elements weaken your writing. This example from a fight scene in Worlds Asunder contains two repeated elements:

The whole apartment seemed to be swirling. Nothing was clear and everything was moving. Where is he? Chase heard a sound to his left and spun his head. For a moment, his vision went black, the swift movement nearly causing him to lose consciousness.This revision eliminates the repeats:

The whole apartment seemed to be swirling. Chase heard a sound to the left and spun his head. For a moment, his vision went black and the pain in his skull soared.At best, repeated elements give a feel of wordiness to your narrative. At worst, they condescend to the reader. Have confidence in your ability to show. Show things once and show them well. Your reader will get the point.

6. Eliminate Adverbs

In general, delete your adverbs. Adverbs tend to signify lazy writing. The author uses a descriptor to avoid finding the right verb. I once heard a writer recommend deleting all adverbs from a manuscript and reading it without them, then putting back only those that are absolutely necessary. I would add: For those that remain, strengthen the verb rather than reinsert the adverb. For example, stared grumpily might become glared, glowered, scowled, or frowned.

7. Eliminate Repeated Words

The following passage from an early draft of Worlds Asunder takes place immediately after a lunar building explodes. A construction worker drives his oversized bulldozer up a damaged truck ramp and spots two wounded survivors trapped on a damaged framework of trusses above him:

He depressurized his compartment and climbed out. He found the distance that he had to jump to be greater than he’d expected. He heard the men above him now, coming in loud and clear on his comm system, urging him to hurry. He looked up and saw their catwalk swaying and beginning to sag under their weight.

Every sentence in this passage starts with he. This draws the reader’s attention away from the story and onto the text. Restructure your sentences to avoid repeated beginnings. Include more sensory details. Show your viewpoint character’s emotions. The following revision doesn’t have a single sentence that begins with he:

Once in place, he depressurized the compartment and climbed out. His heart sank when he saw the distance he’d have to jump.

The men called to him through the comm, urging him to hurry. Suddenly, a support buckled and the whole catwalk began to give under their weight.

Similarly, don’t repeat the same uncommon word, or forms of the same word, within a short span of text. Consider the following example excerpted from a critique submission:

Jamie, Leah, Camille, and Lawrence passed the platter around, fast and deliberate, like a quarterback passing off a football.

Substitute synonyms to avoid repeating words.

Jamie, Leah, Camille, and Lawrence passed the platter around, fast and deliberate, like a quarterback handing off a football.

8. Eliminate Excess Adjectives

Don’t string a bunch of adjectives together to describe a single noun:

. . . a hot, dry, sunny, summer day.

The use of multiple adjectives gives the reader too much information to catalogue, especially if you do it often. If you must use an adjective, limit yourself to one per noun. Pick the one that describes the characteristic most important to the viewpoint character. For example, a construction worker laboring outside would probably describe the day as hot. A farmer, concerned about another year of drought, would characterize the day as dry.

9. Eliminate Unnecessary Prepositional Phrases

Chase stood among the clues in the cockpit and let them tell their story.

If the reader already knows Chase is in the cockpit, write this as:

Chase stood among the clues and let them tell their story.

Challenge each prepositional phrase in your manuscript. If it doesn’t say something that’s both new and necessary, delete it.

10. Don’t Put Questions in Your Character’s Thoughts

Minimize the number of questions that appear in your character’s thoughts. Similar to telling, questions in a character’s thoughts do your reader’s work for her. They tell her what to wonder. Let the reader come up with her own questions.

Consider the following passage from a critique submission, in which Luke has ventured into a sugarcane field that has always frightened him. There, he meets a boy named Antonio.

The dark-haired Mexican kid was standing with a finger over his lips. Luke frowned and opened his mouth. The boy shook his head and made a waving motion.

He wants me to go away? That’s what I’m trying to do. Why did he stop me? Luke studied Antonio. He’s trying to hide something. But what? Himself? This kid is confused, Luke thought. Antonio must be an illegal. What else could he be hiding?

The last paragraph puts direct questions into Luke’s thoughts. There’s almost always a more effective way to show what questions your character faces than to pose them so blatantly:

The dark-haired Mexican kid stood with a finger over his lips. Luke frowned and opened his mouth. The boy shook his head and made a waving motion to shoo Luke away.

All Luke wanted to do was run, to get as far from this creepy cane field as possible by the time the dying sun faded from the horizon. Yet he studied Antonio. Nobody would enter the sugarcane, especially at night, unless he was hiding something. He must be an illegal.

The reader still knows what questions Luke has. Now, however, the reasons for them are clear as well.

In summary, minimize your use of these ten grammatical devices. Doing so will increase the pace of your narrative and the tension in your story.

WorldsAsunderKirt Hickman is a technical writer turned fiction author. His books include three sci-fi thriller novels Worlds Asunder (2008), Venus Rain (2010) and Mercury Sun (2014), the high fantasy novel Fabler’s Legend (2011), and the writers’ how-to Revising Fiction: Making Sense of the Madness (2009). This post combines the first two articles in his two-year column, “Revising Fiction,” originally published in SouthWest Sage, and reprinted here by permission.



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